Divorce

About half of all marriages end in divorce. Of course, more than one-half of all “couples” who are not married end their relationships by separating. Termination of any relationship is difficult. It is an emotional roller coaster and often a significant financial stress.

In Connecticut, it is the Family Court, which deals with divorce. The Family Court also deals with custody matters and child support. In order to be divorced in Connecticut one of the Parties must meet one of the following: (a) residence in Connecticut for more than a year at the time of the divorce; or (b) having been married in Connecticut, one of the Parties has to have returned to Connecticut with intentions of remaining here. In Connecticut, neither Party has to prove “fault” in order to establish jurisdiction.

If children are involved there are special rules governing jurisdiction. Primarily Connecticut is governed by interstate compacts designed to prevent parents from taking children from one state to another in order to get a divorce. Child custody rules usually require the State in which the child has spent the majority of the last six months to be the jurisdiction for the decision. However, there are exceptions.

Getting a divorce in Connecticut usually involves four things: (a) deciding on the custody arrangements for the children; (b) deciding child support; (c) deciding alimony; and (d) dividing the property. In Connecticut, divorces are classified by the Court based on the degree of agreement. The most serious cases are those in which custody is disputed. These cases are considered fully disputed. If there are no children, or if the parents can come up with a Parenting Plan, the case can be classified as limited disputed. If all issues are resolved, or if the defendant fails to appear, the case is uncontested. Contested cases will ultimately be decided by a Judge after a trial. However, many cases start out as disputed, but end up as agreements.

In Connecticut, the minimum time to achieve a divorce is about four months. Connecticut has mandated a 90 day “cooling off period”. This 90 day period is marked from the return date on the initial summons and complaint. “Average” divorces in Connecticut take from 6 to 18 months. Although some (very few) can take upwards of two years or more. Probably 80% or more of the divorces in Connecticut are ultimately entered on an uncontested basis.

The Connecticut Family Court actively espouses that Agreements made by the Parties are much better than decisions rendered by the Judge. The Parties clearly know their children better than the Judge, and know the ins and outs of their finances and property. However, all too often, one or both of the Parties are too involved in the emotional roller coaster and are unable or unwilling to do what is in their and their children’s best interest. Skilled therapists can help. Skilled attorneys are also a major help.

The role of the attorney in Family matters is complex. First of all, the attorney has to have the experience to know how to deal with Parties under stress. The attorney is not a therapist, but perhaps some of the skills of a therapist are helpful. Next, the attorney has to be able to deal with numbers and finances. An accountant or financial planner is often necessary to deal with the ins and outs of the Parties finances. Generally, the attorney is not an accountant or financial planner, but having a good grasp of numbers and finances can be very important. Another skill needed in an attorney is the ability to negotiate. Negotiation skills are crucial in keeping the divorce “pot” from boiling over. Last, the attorney must be an advocate for his or her client – the proverbial “mouthpiece”. The attorney speaks for the client to the Judge, to the other attorney, often to the spouse, and sometimes to the family and friends. All of these skills are important, but perhaps the most important is experience. Most clients are going through their first divorce. A few are going through their second or third. A very few may be reliving the experience for the fourth or more times. An experienced family lawyer has gone through hundreds, if not thousands of divorces. If this was surgery (and in a way a divorce is emotional surgery) no one would want to go under the knife with a surgeon who had only one or two prior experiences.

Understanding the law and protecting your rights, your children, and your future during this strenuous time requires the assistance of an experienced divorce attorney. Please give us a call, and let’s discuss your situation.

Contact us for a consultation with an experienced, successful and compassionate divorce attorney. The initial one-half to one hour consult is free, if you decide to either not go forward with the divorce, or decide to use someone else.

Advice from an Experienced Divorce Lawyer in how to Stay Married

(1) Sleep with your spouse. It is a slippery slope. The first baby step is to sleep in separate beds. The next baby step is to sleep in separate rooms. Taking a “break” and living “temporarily” apart comes next. The last step is to be banned from the house. Even if the separation is involuntary (i.e.: work or illness related), the longer and further two parties are apart, the higher the likelihood of a divorce.

(2) Do not commit any of the “seven deadly sins”. The seven deadly sins are (in no particular order):

• Alcoholism
• Gambling
• Sex outside the marriage
• Criminal Behavior
• Violence towards your spouse or children
• Mental Illness
• Drugs

If you can’t control your situation and/or behavior, please don’t make things worse by confessing to your spouse. I can’t count how many clients have come in after confessing (usually to adultery) surprised that their spouse has filed for divorce. It may make you feel better to fess up, but it will make your spouse feel infinitely worse. If you need help – get help. Most spouses will tolerate some of these “sins” for a limited period of time. Don’t press your luck.

(3) Fight with your spouse. For couples to be successful and to stay married, they must figure out how to fight. A tip I learned in marriage encounter on how to fight is worth passing on. Marriage encounter recommends that couples fight in the nude. Obviously, this has to be done after the children are asleep, or somewhere else. Try it, it does work.

(4) Have sex with your spouse. Couples libidos are often very different. Both sides have to figure out a way to accommodate each other. While not all sexless relationships end in divorce, the majority certainly do.

(5) Keep your finances joint. Separate accounting is for roommates, not married people. Separate accounts breed suspicion and are a method of control. Suspicion of your spouse is the first step on the slippery slope to divorce.

 

• Divorce
• Family Law
• Custody Support
• Visitation
• Special Education Law
• Juvenile Law